How to write a parent of the bride or groom speech

• Welcome everyone, and especially the other family, in a line or two.
• One memory of your child, either from when they were small or from the moment you watched them become themselves.
• What you think of the person they are marrying, said to them directly.
• One thing you have learned, if you want it.
• The toast.

Four to six minutes, roughly 600 to 800 words. As a host you have slightly more room than the wedding party, but not much more.

Choose one that shows character rather than cuteness. A story that ends "and that is still exactly who she is" does far more work than a list of childhood mishaps.

Say what you were proud of then, and what you are proud of now.

This is the part that matters most and the part most often rushed. Speak to your new son or daughter in law directly, use their name, and say what you have seen in them.

If you want to welcome their family too, do it here and mean it. This is often the moment two families quietly decide how they feel about each other.

One thought, not five. The best is usually something you learned the hard way, told with the hard part left in.

Skip anything that sounds like a warning about marriage, or a joke about how hard it is. You are setting the tone for the room, so set the one you want.

You will probably be more emotional than you expect. Plan for it. Print it in large type, mark two places where you can pause, and keep a glass of water within reach.

If your voice goes, stop and breathe. Nobody in the history of weddings has thought less of a parent for crying.

Finish by asking everyone to stand and raise a glass to both of them, by name.